Lethal Injection

I have known for years not to trust "health care" and cosmetic companies.  When I was 14 I started buying Tom's of Maine toothpaste and seeking out more natural moisturizers.  But I am a super-sucker for marketing and advertising, and quickly pushed aside the info I'd read about the toxins and contaminants companies put in their beauty and skin care products.  Also a tube of Crest on sale at Shoppers Drug Mart is cheaper than a $7 tube of Tom's of Maine cinnamon toothpaste.

So, as I am very good at doing, I pushed the info to a corner of my brain and have kept it there until now.

I was listening to Gillian Deacon, author of "There's Lead in Your Lipstick", being interviewed on CBC Radio (Good God in heaven I adore CBC radio).  I was sitting in the parking lot at Shoppers Drug Mart, the rain drizzling on the windshield, and I couldn't get out until I'd listened to the rest of the interview.  Let's just say the items I'd planned on buying at SDM did not come home with me.  As I listened to Gillian talk about so many of the things I'd already known, I felt that I had to listen to this information.  Then she said it.  She said "You know, there's lead in our lipstick, but because lead is considered a toxin instead of an inGREdient, companies are not required to list it in the ingredient list."

EXCUSE ME?


That was it.  I came home, threw out my $5 tubes of Revlon and Rimmel, cheap makeup removers, and eyeshadows full of carcinogenic talc.  The thought of the toxins leaching through my eyelid skin is totally freaking me out.  Obviously you can't ditch all your makeup at once unless you've got the money to go and totally re-stock, but I've started the process.  I went down to QuarterMaster in Wortley (Good God in heaven I adore Wortley Village) to see what they carried along the lines of natural, organic makeup.

Lavera.  Lavera NaturKosmetik- yes, it's German.  I can spell it with "K"s and it's legit, not cheezy.  (Krazy Kwilts anyone?  Buh.)

Fabulous.

I bought a chocolate-y brown eyeliner, and an awesome lipstick ... a vibrant pinkey-purple in a sexy black tube... loving it.  Best lipstick I have ever owned.  Goes on like silk, feels amazing, and lasts for hours.  And the liner?  Smooth.  AND it has a little blending sponge on the other end.  And the price is no more than the Lise Watier liner I buy at SDM.  In fact, cheaper.  The lipstick is more costly than Rimmel, but cheaper than the luxury brands.  The price to our well-being and family's well-being?  Priceless.  I am choosing to buy fewer products, but ones that are much higher quality, and that won't give me scary diseases.

http://www.lavera.com/


Folks- ditch your Rimmel makeup remover and go and get yourself a tube of Green Beaver all-natural makeup remover.  I could not believe how little I had to use.  I just moistened (hate that word) one of those makeup-remover cotton pad thingies, put a tiny bit of the GB remover, and that's all I needed for very easy, quick and complete removal of eyeshadows, liner, pencil and mascara.  Unreal.  And cheaper than the expensive crap I'd bought at the drugstore that all the models say they love.

Suck on THAT.

The couple who started up the Green Beaver Company (Canadian, from eastern Ontario,  love that) were both scientists who quit their jobs and started the Green Beaver company so their kids would have healthy body washes and skincare.  I had to get past the name of the company, and the fact that it looks kind of outdoors-y and woodsy (HATE)... I like my tubes and potions to be pretty and pink and black and gold and everything.  So I had to put that aside.  I don't like that the makeup remover is in a tube like toothpaste.  But you know, I can deal because holy FRIGG it works and I don't feel like I'm burning my eyes every night when I take my makeup off, and giving myself macular degeneration and who knows what else.  I need to smarten up and deal, and there that is.

You KNOW that when I get on a bandwagon about something, I'm very pushy about it (hopefully in a hilarious way), but seriously, I am going to be driving everyone CRAZY with this. This poisoning and deception needs to stop.


Here are some links to (many Canadian) companies who sell all-organic, truly natural cosmetics and skincare and laundry products:

http://www.lavera.com/

http://www.greenbeaver.com/  

http://greenerchoices.org/ 

http://www.leapingbunny.org/indexcus.php 

 http://safecosmetics.org/

http://www.cosmeticsdatabase.com/ 

 http://www.intelligentnutrients.com/

http://drhauschka.com/ 

http://aubrey-organics.com/

http://www.drbronner.com/  (creepiest looking guy ever!)

http://www.actnaturals.com/ 

http://www.afterglowcosmetics.com/rh/Organic-cosmetics-Canada.asp

http://www.tintsofnatureusa.com/index.html 

That should do until my next rant... which will be more raving about all the amazing new SAFE and fun and gorgeous products we've bought. In the meanwhile we will be purging our cancer-causing makeup, Head n' Shoulders, moisturizers, cleaners- you name it.  GONZO. 

THE AGENCY MODELS: New images of Christine

THE AGENCY MODELS: New images of Christine: "Amazing shot of Christine by London's own Dana Brushette! Model: Christine Photography: Dana Brushette MUA: Tanya Ellis Wardr..."

Monsters Inc.

I bought a new pair of jeans and I feel like I'm on (Carpenters reference coming:)  top of the world.  Time for a Carpenters video (1991 remix, no less):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q0G-c4QDMzU


Oh, that's right, I LOVE Karen Carpenter, and I suppose by association, Richard Carpenter, though seeing The Karen Carpenter Story (50 times or so) kind of made me anti Richard.  ANYWAYS (get that "s" off of there!) I think it's already obvious that this blog is going to be pretty incoherent and rather, to use a very overused word, "random".


Back to the jeans.  I have already told you that since the Hamburglar invaded our home, I want to shop 'til I drop.

So last Wednesday, I had a couple of hours and went to the Bay to get a couple of watch batteries.  I always think that The Bay is going to be expensive, but I always end up finding some of my favorite items there, and often at extremely reasonable prices.  I love "kersh", "kensie", "INC", "Jessica Simpson".... DID YOU SAY "INC" and "JESSICA SIMPSON"?  Well then let me tell you:  I found an awesome pair of jeans by INC. (which I can fit into again Praise the Lord Above) and they even have big-ass pockets on the back, to create the illusion of actually having one.  AND?  They have shiny rhinestone-y buttons on all the pockets.  (Squeal?)


 http://www.macys.com/catalog/product/index.ognc?ID=477953&BannerID=PD437&PartnerID=LINKSHARE&LinkshareID=neQRQBqOKtQ-a1fuf4iDMgEfEu8lo39OfQ



And don't even get me goin' about the Jessica Simpson top I found.  Regular $64 (so not worth it), marked half price, and then at the cash, further reduced to $22.  (Looks better on me, p.s.):

Now listen- you could go to a cheaper store and find a cheaply made, gross-feeling shirt for $22.  But why not go to The Bay!?  Love it. 

Next topic:  having an alarm system is the best thing ever.  For $25 a month, and free installation, we have an Alarm Force alarm system that kicks every monster's ass.  Benjamin is sleeping again, IN HIS ROOM, and for like 9 hours a night.  He knows that the alarm system keeps the monsters out and what a difference it has made.  I can sleep again.  David can sleep again.  It's like having this constant invisible superhero laser shield around your house.  I can't stress enough how valuable this is.  When you go away, you don't have to impose on a friend, asking them to look after your house so it looks like someone's home.  Why should they have the responsibility of the safety of your home?  I always hate asking people to do that.  And when you're sleeping, you don't have to listen to Tiny Night Noises because you know you have an alarm system that will go off if someone tries anything stupid. 

Love.

Next topic:  I've added up the replacement value of the jewelry I lost.  I can't even bring myself to write how much but OMG.  Let's just say insurance only covers $4000, and that comes nowhere close.  Apparently the price of gold really HAS gone up.  Holy frigg.  So that is just another reason to take legal action with UPS.  I've already spoken with the folks at the faculty of law at UWO to get legal advice, and I am going to set up a consultation with a lawyer downtown to see how much of a case we have.  But pretty much everyone I've talked to is shocked at the negligence UPS showed at leaving a big 'ole sticker on our front door, the DAY BEFORE CHRISTMAS, announcing that we were away.  And leaving the package at the back door, to boot.  Unreal.  Oh, and guess what? They were here again the other day when I was home and didn't even ring the doorbell, but decided to leave the handvac I ordered IN THE FRONT PORCH, on the floor, with no notification whatsoever.  Another $100 lost if someone had walked in and seen it.  Unreal again!  And David's aunt ordered a Dyson vacuum cleaner awhile back, and UPS delivered it... AND LEFT IT OUTSIDE ON HER FRONT STEP!!!!  Are you SERIOUS?

I need another cup of coffee.

Confessions of a Shopaholic, Break-in Edition

All I want to do since the break-in is spend.  I want to just go CRAZY buying things.  I don't know exactly what it is, I'm sure there is research done explaining this reaction (Kenneth Cole, I thank you).  But ever since the day we got home and found the house had been invaded, I just want to buy things.  I want to buy magazines, and I've already subscribed to four since the break-in.  I justify it because it's for the studio/parents, which is true, but I just needed to BUY things.  Online, in person, doesn't matter.  I want to throw everything out and replace it with all new stuff. Obviously that isn't going to happen, so I'm just going nuts with all this pent-up energy that needs to be spent, literally, but don't have the funds to do it.  I want new clothes.  I want to replace all the underwear they went through.  I want to go and buy a big ole gold bracelet to replace Dad's bracelet.  I still can't handle that they took it.  It's the only thing I got of his when he passed away 11 years ago.  I despise them for taking it.  Yet I don't.  But TOtally do.  I want to buy a new one.  But can't.  I want a new iPod so I can go walking with music again.  I want to play music in the studio on a new laptop but can't.  It's making me a bit crazy.  I'm trying to get my head around it and see the best- no one was hurt.  No one is sick.  They only took very specific things.  All that stuff.  But like, how about the ruby ring with two little diamonds that dad bought me when I was like, 10?  WHY DID THEY NEED TO TAKE THAT?  I hate them.  But I don't.  But totally do. 

I want to buy books and fill the shelves with them.  I don't even need to read them.  I just want to buy them.  I want to buy a new couch and new rugs and new cutlery.  I want to buy piles of DVD's to replace all the movies we had on the laptop for Benjamin. 

I want to buy clothes.  SO many clothes.  I want new shirts, new jeans, new boots.  It's very specific the things that I want to buy.  I don't want coats or scarves or CD's or anything.  No earrings.  I want rings and bracelets and shirts and books.  I can't stop thinking about buying things, like, just PILES of stuff.  It's driving me nuts.

And now the dreams have started.  Couldn't sleep all night.  Every noise is someone trying to get in, to get at us, to take more. 

Steal Me, Sweet Thief

It is such an odd state of mind that you're in after you've been robbed.  If you're someone who is a trusting soul who has had good neighbours and never been violated before, your sense of trust is shattered and you don't know what to think any more.  You experience a fear and an insecurity that you haven't known.  If you're someone like me who, despite generally being a "glass half full" personality, always has their guard up and expects desperate people to do desperate things (and many a person is desperate), then it's not so shocking.

Yet still, it does something.  I don't know what to do with myself.  I don't know what to expect.  I don't know what to do with the rage and don't anyone dare say prayer because prayer won't bring back my dad's bracelet and my studio's computer.  I definitely believe in the power of God and the generosity of people who are open to "hearing" God and acting on his promptings.  But from years of experience, I know that it's kind people, generous people, who help out in cases like this.  Regardless of religion or spiritual belief.  The easiest thing in the world is to say "I'm praying for you", and that's nice. Even though I doubt you are spending much time in prayer, it's a nice thought.  I don't want to go off on a tangent about the fact that our actions are the proof of our spirituality, not words or how many hours a week you go to church or how many groups you're in. Well, actually I do really want to go off on that one, but won't right now.

My mind is so weighted with thoughts right now.  I am extremely grateful that no one is hurt or ill.  That thankfulness won't change.  So I go from being level-headed about things, to completely paralyzed with fear and don't know what to do about anything.  I don't want to leave the house empty.  I don't want to ever wear the Fidelity jeans I won because it will always remind me of the violation they caused.  I don't want to be upstairs.  I don't want to be downstairs.  I don't want to stay home.  I don't want to go out.  I'm nauseous but I'm hungry.  I want to cook but can't get myself to make anything.  I want to call someone but am too tired to talk any more.  I want to play music for my little monkey (Roch Voisine's "Little Drummer Boy", hello, favorite) but can't because my computer's gone.  Every nap and bedtime, we sat on the couch, him with his favorite pillow and "Rum pum pum" playing, and he'd go asleep.  That is gone.  My studio is affected because now I can't record anyone's progress.  I can't show my students YouTube videos or listen to music and play their tracks for them.

I HATE WHOEVER DID THIS SO MUCH I WANT TO THROW UP ALL OVER THEIR FACE AND THEN THROW UP ALL OVER THEIR FACE AGAIN.  Then I want to blare Rod Stewart music into their eardrums for hours on end while force-feeding them hairy anchovies.

On the other hand, what the eff have you been through in your life to make you desperate enough to open my son's piggy bank and steal his change.

Good God.  What do you do with this.

T Cozy.

I haven't written in ages, and I think it's because I don't know what to write about.  Also not much time and extremely tired, but mostly, I don't know what to say.  If I talk about how much I love snow, I will get the haters all riled up.  I don't feel like talking about anything.  All I want to do is sit and stare out the window at the snow and sit next to the tree.  I have eaten enough sweets and drank enough coffee to last about 2 months, and still somehow, have lost 10 pounds (I think that happened before the sweet-eating began ... yes?)  In any case, it's like a heavy dark grey blanket has been lifted off and I can enjoy things again.  I have all my gifts bought, wrapped, and shipped.  All cards are written, sent, and handed out.  Recital program ready to print.  Parties planned, food bought. 

It's bizarre.

Is this how people are used to feeling?

See what I mean?  Despite my clear mind, I don't feel like I have anything to say.  I could talk about the fundraiser last Sunday night, but don't yet have the energy.  I just feel content.  No super-highs or super-lows.  Just good.  Calm.  There is something to be said for just being content, not needing a rush of adrenaline all the time.  The constant adrenaline rush constantly takes you out of the moment.  I think it's avoidance.  Or something.  But again, not feeling like thinking too much. 

Quynh Nhi pad thai is so delicious I can't stand it.  Went with Lori on Friday, then went to the Bay.   It was so bizarre being in a mall.   I feel like I haven't been anywhere public in months. It was nice just being around other PEOPLE, non-music-related-people.  People who don't associate me with a piano.  Just talking about clothes and "Do you think this colour would look good on my daughter?" kind of comments.  Love that.  People are so sweet.  I just stood in between the racks of pyjamas at The Bay and watched all these lovely women- all ages, sizes, backgrounds, personalities, and senses of fashion (or yes, lack thereof)- and watched them choose gifts for the special people in their lives.  Some people say Christmas isn't about presents, but when I watched the smiling faces buying robes for their daughter-in-laws, I almost cried.  It was so "human", seeing how deeply these ladies cared about the small details of the items they were buying, wanting to bring much joy as possible to someone they care about. 

I know I'm idealizing everything because it's snowing but maybe that is WHY I love snow so much.  You would NEVER see this happen in July.  Summer, you can SUCK IT.

Shiny Happy People

I can't think of anything else these days except playing for Follies.  My mind is full of music and costumes and glitter and brilliant lyrics.  People talk to me and have to repeat themselves because I'm so internally consumed by all of it.  I don't have time to write a proper blog about anything right now, but I just want to say that I am shocked and humbled by the number of people who have come up to me to talk about the last blog, "Back in Black".  Not only can I not get over the AMOUNT of responses to it, but what is really moving is the CONTENT of these responses.  What I am seeing is that people respond to honesty WITH honesty and vulnerability.  I am going to ask permission to tell a few of the stories they have told me so get yer Kleenex and stay tuned.