Toenails.

Sometimes I wonder why I don't just get a job as a secretary and ditch this whole music business.  When I look at the amount of work I've put in, and then balance it with the returning "wealth" (can you hear the laughter?), I really think it's time to throw in the towel.

Sometimes I wonder why I didn't know ANYTHING about ANYTHING besides music growing up.  I read books, I was smart, I did well at school, and I could sight-read like CRAZY.  Everyone thought I was amazing.  Same with undergrad.  A little less with the next degree, but that just made me work harder to prove I had "it" (apparently you can't sight-read EVERYthing.  What is up with that?  ;) )

Then you finish school.  No one had ever told me that I might want to have something else in my life beyond playing the piano to make money.  I'm not really blaming anyone, but over the past 3-4 years, I have really starting wondering:  Where are the Truth-tellers?  Whose responsibility is it to teach kids and students the realities of making a life for yourself?

I mean, I'm one of the "good ones", and still, making enough to live is almost impossible.  Is this too honest for a blog?  I don't care.  People need to think about this stuff.  I see all these singers and musicians who think they are amazing, or maybe even ARE amazing (rare), and there's no real sense of urgency ... no recognition even... of the facts of life:  it takes money to live, and singing and playing the piano doesn't do it.  IN GENERAL.  There are always exceptions of course.  If you are single, then you can devote your life to it and maybe make a go of it, if you're willing to live the lifestyle and make the sacrifices.   If you are married, hopefully your other half makes lots of money so you can run around singing and playing, gratifying The Artiste in you.  If you want to add kids to the mix, you'd better have family living nearby or with you, because good luck finding good babysitters.  And good luck paying for them.  Or, maybe you just have a rich daddy and are clueless about pretty much everything.  Then you don't have to worry about ANYthing.  Did I just throw up a little?  Yep, did.

Sometimes I wonder if maybe I should delete this blog because I sound angry in it and it's not funny.  That's another thing.  GET REAL.  We need to get real.  Tell people the truth.  Get a JOB people.  Like I don't understand everyone being told to run around the globe doing summer programs.  I understand it in theory, like, who doesn't want to go to Italy in the summer to sing and eat European bread?  (Well, I'd rather Iceland, but you know what I'm sayin'.)  And it IS a fantastic experience.  But how many exPEriences does one NEED?  When you're 75 years old, we'll all be wishing we'd eaten out a little less, traveled a little less, so that we can still have a life in the older years (especially those who are self-employed.)

I see all of these students who would LOVE to sing and learn and "experience" all summer, but who just absolutely can't do it financially.  They need to WORK to pay for school and room and board and food and tuition and coachings and groceries.  And that's not a BAD thing.  That isn't a SHAME.  It's REAL.  GET REAL!!  I see talented, hard-working people without the means to pursue what other much-less-talented, much-lazier people easily enjoy.  And hey, that's life.  But I'll tell you, you'd better be super-talented AND super-organized AND not an idiot to work with, because God help you if you expect to make a living at this.

A couple of weeks ago, I was out with a good friend of mine.  We were talking about life, work, kidlets, schedules, shoes (hello!) and money.  She told me about this girl she knows that pays $2000/month for rent, just for her business.  Her business is waxing peoples' "areas".  Their private bits, if you wish.

I just sat there.  I thought, 'This girl is paying more in business rent than I can make in an entire year', and has ample left to live on.

Why did I not KNOW this?  Why am I so IGNORANT to how the real world works?  What the heck is with this music bubble?  What can I change?  Maybe I should just start painting peoples' toenails for a living. I would likely make way more money, with benefits and everything, working for a spa painting peoples' nails and having great chats all day, making people feel great and serving them coffee.

Why have I wrecked my body for this?  Why do I put myself through the stress year after year?

Because I love it.  I love the students. (Well, most of the students.)  I love the teachers (well, a few of the teachers.)  I love the rush of performing with James, my delicious-voiced baritone friend.  I love the audience's response to a show that has sizzling energy.  I love seeing someone finally grasp a concept I've been trying to explain for weeks, and how happy they are when they SEE it.  I love seeing someone who has struggled in their life, in their art, making a breakthrough personally and artistically.  I live for those moments.

I would also live for not having to worry constantly about everything, including the future.  So for this reason, toenail painting is still looking pretty appealing.  Maybe I can be one of those people who comes up with the names for the O.P.I. colours.  That would still be creative, right?