I just want to clarify something about the blog I wrote yesterday entitled "Toenails". I just got an email from the girl I was out to dinner with, who told me about Waxing Girl that I told the story about.
Apparently I misunderstood the amount of money the girl makes. The spa takes half her income, so she is only left with like $1500-$2000/month to take home. The other half goes to rent. This makes more sense to me. I really didn't get that from the original conversation and I feel I need to clarify that to make my blog as accurate as possible.
The more upsetting part of the email is that she told me I'm angry, and because of my anger, my perspective is skewed, and that I'm acting like a victim.
This is such a different response than all others I've received, I'm not sure where to "put" that. I did not intend to sound angry, victim-y or entitled. I'm just very frustrated that I was brought up princess-y, expecting to play the piano and marry some rich suit-wearing international evangelist. You can only squeeze yourself into someone else's mold(s) for so long before you crack. Unless you never crack. Then you REALLY crack, you just may not recognize it.
I'm glad I recognize it.
Feelings?
I just want to thank people who are replying to this privately and on Facebook. This has obviously struck a huge nerve. Keep 'em coming.
ReplyDeleteI am posting this, sent to me privately by a very successful friend of mine (no longer in the music field). They only agreed to me posting it if I attached this clip:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0x-fkSYDtUY
"i feel the way you described all the time actually. Frustrated by two main things: 1) that my parents had no ambitions for me, did not push me enough or have the sense to tell me not to study music. They never sat me down and asked if i thought it was practical (bless their hearts i guess that they believed so much in me but they knew nothing - a shame they werent a little meaner and more realistic) and the second thing is 2) that _______ (and all similar small town provincial undergrad universities with music programs) shirks a MAJOR responsibility I feel it has. I.e. to tell students in their first year, when they come out of tiny towns with no experience of the real world and think they are going to become prefessional musicians just because they excelled at piano lessons, that they have NO CHANCE of ever making a sustainable carreer out of music, especially performance majors.
In hindsight I can see that my professors had been around the music world enough (in their own half baked at-best-mediocre 'careers' - to put a fine point on it) to see this and yet allowed me 4 years that I could have been at art college doing something useful instead of 'chasing a dream' of being a pianist. What i really needed was a big slap from Miss Cher and a SNAPOUTTAVIT! and told be told the harsh but grown up truth.
Tanya I am endlessly wallowing in the self pity that I would be THAT much further along my illustration carreer if I had not wasted that time studying the piano at university and saved music as a rewarding hobby of a relatively talented amateur."
personally, I think it's your blog and you can write/respond as you want - and you are being very generous and honest when new information comes to light...
ReplyDeleteI'm reading backwards so perhaps I will add more later as I gather more info. You are being, as always, a responsible, ethical wonderful human being and those of us who know you know that.
Never apologize for your thoughts, your humour or you...You are amazing.
ReplyDeleteAs Susan says-"it's your Blog" have the right to write what you want.
You entertain me and give me things to think about.I love that about you....honesty is hard to come by these days. Stay real to yourself...anyone who is a friend will respect that when the smoke settles.
And goodness, my chosen profession hardly pays the bills either.I know I complain sometimes because damnit!I love shoes too...
But you know- I also recognize, like you-I would much rather be typing a response to your blog from the comforts of my own home than from a windowless office of some micro managed business....'nuff said....
♥ya sista..keep it real.
Alyssa. Love. Honesty IS hard to come by, but man, does it feel GOOD.
ReplyDeleteIt IS about learning how to accept what you've chosen. I guess my issue that I'm realizing, is that I don't feel that I have CHOsen this. I was good, I could sight-read, and here I am. I never even THOUGHT of other options. If I had, I would have taken them desPITE how much I love playing.
Good point re: being micro-managed. Totally get THAT too, which is partly why I've stayed in this so long.
You know what this all boils down to, for me, is options, and not having had any. People might tell me I did, but I know I didn't. I was CLUE. LESS. You play piano in church, you go to University for music (mostly b/c you have no other skills, at least none that you know of that age- I sure didn't), then like I said, you have few options, especially if you add kidlets and/or financial restraints.
Lord I miss seeing you. (Also missed seeing the jewelry... but mostly YOU).
xx
miss you too sister....we NEED a visit.
ReplyDelete