One Republic

So I need to apologize, or at least want to.

The friend of mine, who is a very good friend, a true, no bull-crap friend, is not pleased with how I portrayed her in my last blog (My Bad).  Though what I wrote was accurate about her comments- that I sounded angry, and victim-y-  for Readers of the Blog, who know nothing of her, or our relationship, those comments came across as harsh, and were out of context. Because I know that no one has a clue who I'm referring to, I didn't think it would matter that I didn't soften my delivery of the info.  I am so used to super-softening most of my deliveries that part of the refreshing part of this blog is that I DON'T do that.  So I didn't, and I hurt someone amazing.  Not my intent.

The comments about sounding angry, and being a victim to circumstance, were, in later emails, expanded and clarified:  you have a lot of talent.  You have a lot of support from friends.  You are smart.  You have business opportunities laid out in front of you:  take them.  Don't remain a victim to past and present circumstances.  You are loved.

Because I know HER, I knew that context withOUT further emails.  But I feel I need to say that, and recognize it publicly.

Now I'm going to go back to my original "Toenails" blog, where all this started.  I still mean every word of it.  Since writing it, I've gotten emails, Facebook messages, and phone calls, telling me how good it felt to read what I wrote.  One girl I talked to told me about her experience in university (singing).  When she finished her studies, and found out what this lifestyle entailed, she also found out she had very few other developed skills.  In the music world, because you spend pretty much all your time practicing, rehearsing, and with other musicians, you often (usually) lose touch with the rest of the world.  Because of this, you lose touch with the skills needed to function in anything non-musical, unless you want to spend the rest of your days working in retail trying to make enough money to support your auditions (headshots, audition fees, pianist, travel fees, money for food, etc)  The sad thing is, you don't know any of this until often it's too late.  By the time you've finished your undergrad, and often your masters (because seriously, what ELSE are you going to do with a performance degree but go on to get your masters degree), you've spent all your money on education and auditions, and now you have no money to go back to school to train for something that will give you skills to support yourself.

Also I want to say one more thing.  I don't feel like a victim.  Am I frustrated that I didn't know more of this earlier in life?  Yes, definitely.  If I had, I would be under WAY less stress.  At the same time, without lessening what I just said, I also am thankful for what I've gone through over the years, because it has made me very sensitive to people.  It has also made me a better business person, and has taught me a lot about getting real and facing the realities of life.  And MY realities, even the hard ones, are WAY - HAYYYYY less than half the globe's realities.  So suck on that, me.

Having said THAT, I live where I live, and I am NOT half the globe (although sometimes I feel like it... effing tight pants...)   Though I'm frustrated with a lot right now, and finally admitting it, I don't feel like a victim.  If I did, I'd be sitting around, surrounded by heaps of music books, in a corner of my studio, moping.  I wouldn't be planning for the coming year, and making my studio the best it can possibly be.  I wouldn't be constantly looking for extra work. I wouldn't be already organized for the fall.  I have worked HARD for the past 10 years to make a career for myself.  I prepare hard, I play hard, and I care hard.  That sounded SUPER-cheezy, but it's exactly the truth.  Sometimes I do everything SO hard that it makes me sick and in pain.  So I need to stop doing that.  Instead of remaining a victim of my circumstances, I'm creating and accepting new opportunities that come my way, professionally and personally.

But I'm still thinking about those OPI colours...