Lessons from Donatella.

"I don't do things halfway.  I want to desire everything around me."  - Donatella Versace

I found that quote in the September 2009 issue of InStyle and never forgot it.  I remember lying awake in the middle of the night, unable to sleep, reading this magazine.  The feeling of fall was in the air, and the energy of autumn was practically vibrating.  I was inspired by page after page of great photography, styling, fashion, and articles.  I remember at the time feeling overwhelmed by many things, and one of my big energy-zappers was that I had way too much STUFF around me.  I didn't have the space to store all of the things I'd accumulated over the years, and quite honestly, did not need it all.  The issue of emotional attachment to objects is a problem with me.  I suppose if I owned a few mansion-sized homes, I'd have somewhere to store all of these tactile memories.  (Un?)fortunately, this isn't the case.

So I'm lying there, looking around the room, unsettled by the number of Things That Have No Home.  Then I turn to this one article.  This particular story written by Hal Rubenstein has never left me.  What was it about?  Donatella Versace simplifying her duplex in Milan, of course!  I almost didn't read it.  Here's me, in my apartment, wondering where to put my piddly bits, staring at this photograph of Donatella in her ruched aquamarine dress, "simplifying" her "apartment" in Milan by redecorating in a less ornate fashion.  The link between us was not immediately apparent.  She talked about wanting to come home at the end of the day to a feeling of serenity.  "The height of luxury is to be comfortable in your own surrounding.  And for that I need to see light and feel it all around me."  Comfortable in your own surrounding.  That is what I was missing.  I had nowhere, no PLACE where I ever, ever felt totally comfortable.

Then, on the next page, I saw the quote.

 "I don't do things halfway... ."   Related a little there (extreme much?)

 "I want to desire everything around me."

Blink.

Another slower, more thoughtful blink.

That is the key.  To desire everything around you.

So in the past year, one of my goals has been to purge my life of the Stuff that Sucks (the life out of me).  If it doesn't feel good to look at something, I throw it out.  I WILL admit,  sometimes it takes awhile to get to the final throw-out stage and that is due to such thoughts as these:

1* I don't like this, but I'd better keep it because Friend gave it to me and I know SHE liked it so it's mean of me to throw it out.  And what if she asks if I still have it?

2* This really isn't something I will ever use, but because Mom gave it to me, and she would be hurt if I gave it away, so I'd better tuck it away (for another 5-10 years).

3*  I spent money to buy that, and it's wasteful to just throw it out.

4*  Oh, I got that on my/our trip to Fill-in-the-Blank.  Who knows when I'll be back there, I'd better keep that (scarf, pen, book, map, necklace, jacket, shoes, mascara... you get the point.)

5* Well, yes, I haven't used it in 7 years.  But what if I DO need it and then I've thrown it out.  How wasteful to have to go and re-buy something!


Really?  So I've come up with ways to deal with all of these guilt-filled, clutter-collecting doubts:

1* If our friendship is that shallow, maybe that friend is part of the Stuff that Sucks.

2* This is hard, because the mother relationship is so heavy-laden with heavy-ladenness.  But I've started realizing I can't hold on to people and good times just by holding onto a scarf I will never wear.  Into the box for someone else to wear and love.

3* It's just as wasteful to buy it and not be using/wearing it.  PLUS it takes up space, and makes me  feel anxious (non-serene) in a cluttery home.  That is MORE wasteful.

4* Holding on to travel memorabilia.  Some things I will NEVER get rid of (jewelry from Venice, handmade shoes from Florence, that lush sweater from Jerusalem- you get the point), but those buttons and maps and pens with no ink left?  Puhl-ease.  Garbage.  Also note:   not holding ON frees up more space for dreaming about the next trip.  That whole moving aHEAD thing, instead of that whole looking BACKwards thing...

5* Chances are , the item that you will have to re-buy (p.s. You likely will never ever need to do this) is going to be less expensive now, or findable for cheap on eBay.  OR it will have been improved upon, and you'll have a better product than you had originally.

Big inhale  .... SO.  If you are wanting to serenit-ize and de-clutter your life, ask yourself these two questions:

1.  Do I still love/have use for this item?  (Do I desire it?)

2.  How does this item make me feel (Do I desire it?)

How many more days until the September 2010 InStyle hits the stands... ????  :)